The Vibration of Being

Oh the deep blue hole … like a single eye looking up at the sky … sunny and clear for our travel day … might meet rain soon.

http://www.santarosanm.org/scubadiving.htm

Leaving Tucson this morning. Sunny as usual. High is planned to be 86 but we will be out of town and maybe a degree or two cooler … the birds are squawking for breakfast as I stopped feeding them.

packing and such …

and then on the road …  and to see Caitlin and Thomas. WOW.

I’ve always wanted to be someone else. Now I’ve decided to forgive all my judgements, my criticisms – my separation from my self – and come home. I’m fairly simple. I like to love, help out, hug, smile, cry. I’ve wanted so much to be clever, sophisticated, smart – so much so that I’ve missed acknowledging my own strengths, my wisdom, my experience – with life and death, with being with great human drama/crisis and being steady.

I’m coming home, finding my own starness, my own selfness. This separation act is the same thing we do with spirit, deny, repress, reject – separate -. We create the dream of separation and relive and relive the pain. Releasing the dream, we awaken to our own uniqueness yet acknowledging our sameness as other beings. The pull and tug are over. Joy rushes in, explodes.

  Sitting on the old New England porch I inhale the sweet perfume of the geraniums beside me. The plant has grown a long stem and buds have appeared. They are sleeping as the sun climbs up and over the roof of the neighbor’s house. They look like seedpods and feel like soft velvet. Some are larger than the others are; some have the beginnings of peach-rose colored petals all tightly huddled together, similar to rose buds. I want to blossom as effortlessly, magically as this plant with its stalk, buds, and petals. I want to express my true nature, as simply, without fanfare or orchestra. I want to be without expectation that someone will sit beside me admiring the soft fuzz on my buds or the fan-shape magnificence of my leaves. I want to emanate joy just by being myself, my soft petals like tiny lips kissing the morning air. I lean over and kiss the buds, turn the plant around so the leaves, stems, blossoms can exercise their natural way by leaning to greet the sun.

Jim and I leave May 23 for our drive across country … I am so excited and also sad to leave my friends and familiar routine. You’ll be hearing and seeing our trip as we go … get ready for fun.